FREE ESSAY ON PROCESS ESSAY TELLING YOUR CHILDREN YOU HAVE CANCER

PROCESS ESSAY TELLING YOUR CHILDREN YOU HAVE CANCER

Thousands of people every year find out they have cancer. Over half will have to go
through some type of chemotherapy or radiation treatment. Both are extremely painful.
Their appearance will change dramatically and their physical abilities will become
limited. Just talking can and will become a chore. Although many physicians and
specialist try to comfort and prepare each patient; it is those patients with children
who find the whole experience tormenting. They fear for their children's future and how
they will take the news. They're unsure of when and how
to tell their children, especially those with younger children. Children who are of the
ages of five and under. 
It is most difficult to explain to this age group because of their absence of
understanding what it is they are being told. They have a limited vocabulary and lack the
ability to grasp the seriousness of the situation. They do not understand
that their parent maybe facing death. To them their parent is invincible. No one or thing
could harm them. So it is up to their parent to explain everything in a way to where they
will understand. 
Helping children five and under to understand their parents experience with cancer needs
sensitivity and a good sense of timing. Children may go through the stages their parents
are going through, disbelief, anger, reorganization, hope and acceptance. They may have
special needs because of their ages. During their
parents illness, their needs may change. Children have the right to know about anything
that affects the family, as cancer does. Children know something is wrong. If they are
not told anything in a way to protect them, they may have fears which are 
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worse than the real situation. They may find out the truth from someone else, or get
misleading information from TV or other sources. Not talking about cancer may
suggest it is a subject too terrible to be discussed. There is a hopeful side and
children need to know this. 
The first step a parent should take before telling their children is to find out all the
information they can about the cancer they have been diagnosed with. What makes cancer
especially difficult are the many unknowns. Living with uncertainty is part of having
cancer. A parent needs to find out all they can to make the unknown familiar. In order to
provide accurate information and to be honest with their children the parent needs to be
knowledgeable of their cancer. This way when their children asks a question they will be
able to answer it. There are some questions they will not be able to answer. They must
accept that and help their children to accept that fact also. 
Once the parent knows all that they can about their cancer then the next step is to
quickly set aside a time in a comfortable place to explain their illness. Many parents
feel comfortable in thinking that time is in abundance. It is not. Children need to be
told as soon as possible. They should be told after the parent has been diagnosed.
Picking a time and place is very important. Time should be selected when their children
are the most focused and likely to be home. The conversation should take place in a
familiar comfortable room or area. Home would be the best selection. Many children
consider home to be safe and secure. It is a non-threatening environment where they can
feel free to open up when talking to
their parent. 
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The third and most important step is how the parent explains their illness to their
children. Dealing with children under the age of five is extremely difficult. It must be
dealt with great patience and compassion. At this age children may have to be told over
and over again. They have a short attention span and a meager vocabulary level. The
parent needs to be creative and talk in a language their children will understand. 
Children are good at noticing things but poor at understanding what they mean. For
example, "Pappy died in a hospital. Now Daddy has to go into a
hospital. He is going to die." Or "I was with Mommy when she told me to pick up my toys.
Then she was ill. Maybe I made her ill." It is this way children think. Children under
five believe the world revolves around them, they believe that when something is wrong,
it's their fault. There is a tremendous need to explain in great detail to them the
reasons as to why their parent has cancer. To let them know it
has nothing to do with them and that they did not cause the disease. They should be told
in small doses as the disease progress or digresses. They shouldn't be told that Mommy or
Daddy is going to die unless that is the inevitable outcome. It saves the
children from unnecessary grief and stress. The youngest children fear separation,
strangers and being left alone. 
There are some dont's such as don't lie, don't trouble them with frightening medical
details, money worries, test results that are not in yet, promises you may not be able to
keep, and don't be afraid to say "I don't know." Also a parent does not want to push
their children to talk. This may cause them to turn away and keep emotions and feelings
hidden. Children are having a difficult time trying to
understand the situation and trying to deal with the idea of losing their parent. The 
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less stress a parent puts on their children the more the children are able to cope with
the situation. 
When a parent finds out they have cancer everyone in that family is affected. There may
be changes in the parents appearance and there may be changes in what
they are able to do. With the ability to know when and how to speak with their children,
especially the younger ones, about the cancer they will be able to cope with this disease
together and without the stress of hiding it as a dirty secret. Children have an amazing
ability and capacity to deal with the truth. Even very sad truths will relieve the
anxiety of too much uncertainty. Parents cannot stop them from feeling sad, but if they
share their feelings and give them information about what is happening, they can offer
them support in their sadness. Cancer is a serious and unfortunate disease that parents
need to share with their children when they find out they are infected with it. Dealing
with it early and openly can help a family prepare for the future. 
Bibliography
College Student: Junior
3.0 GPA
Double Major: History & Speech Pathology