FREE ESSAY ON WORKING WOMEN AND FAMILY LIFESTYLES

WORKING WOMEN AND FAMILY LIFESTYLES

WORKING WOMEN AND FAMILY LIFESTYLES
The issues and concerns of this course are ones with which I am able to identify. Having
been married for eight years, a working women and mother qualifies me to give much
insight to each of the components listed in this course. My essay will address the
following:
-  Past and present status of women in the work place
-  Balancing career and family
-  Career Choices
-  The future of the family
In addition, I will expand on the implications of single parenthood and how it affects
women's careers and raising a family.
PAST AND PRESENT STATUS OF WOMEN IN THE WORK PLACE
Every day in some office, bank, store, school, or wherever women work, someone announces
an engagement or a wedding. But unlike past generations, the announcement doesn't
automatically mean the employee is leaving. She is just adding a new dimension to
herself-marriage. Unlike her predecessor, she will work for a much longer period because
she can decide when to begin her family. If she decides to have a family, her leave of
absence is apt to be less than five years, because she is a member of the new breed of
women who attempt to combine the roles of career woman, mother, and wife into a workable
package.
Wives have been working for a much longer period than most people think. Before the
Industrial Revolution, even wealthy women worked long hours supervising the needs of
large families, household servants, and slaves. Most American families engaged in farming
then. Often husband and wife worked together in order to make a profit. During the time
of the Revolutionary, women worked in the fields plowing and harvesting, because all
males were away fighting the war. 
By the eighteenth century, women were employed in all occupations working side by side
with men. This may sound unusual, but, in those days, all occupations were based in the
home or at a nearby office or workshop. Women and children helped male family members
build successful firms. 
The nineteenth century brought the beginning of a technical era with the center of
economic activity moving away from the home into factories and offices. Most occupations
came to be viewed then as unsuitable for women or incompatible with their chores in the
home. Very few jobs remained that were considered appropriate for women. As a result,
most upper and middle-class women left the work force. As the American population grew
and the labor shortage eased, the opportunities for women became even fewer. By the
nineteenth century, the practice of paying women less for the same job done by men was
well-established.
Just a glance at today's classified ads in any newspaper will refute the argument that a
woman's place is in the home. In the past, women worked mostly out of necessity. But now,
many women work because it is self-fulfilling.
When I was a child, both my parents worked. During the eighteen years I lived with my
parents, they earned MBA's and in my mother's case a Ph.D. I grew up believing that to be
successful, I must go to college, establish a career, get married and have kids. It never
occurred to me to be a housewife and stay home.
I did go to college at eighteen but dropped out to get married at age twenty. I worked
while my husband finished school. I wanted to wait to have children until I was in my
later twenty's and hopefully have the chance to finish school and establish a career.
Life did not quite work that way. At twenty-one the first little, "surprise" bundle of
joy came along. So by age twenty-two, I had a year old baby and was working full-time. I
did not feel right about staying home. I did not think I would be respected.
Four years later I had another baby girl. I continued to work but not climb any ladders
to success partly because my husband moved every two years for his company and partly
because I was not focused. I did not know what I wanted to be when I grew up and in my
heart I wanted to be home with my babies, for awhile at least. I wanted the opportunity
to further my education before choosing a career path. Money and childhood beliefs of
success kept me at work.
I am thirty-two years old now. I am very close to earning my B.A. degree and I am finally
in a position at work where I feel I can move forward.
Looking back, I realize several things. First, being I had always worked at low paying
jobs, and not having a formal education, I should have dedicated those ten years to my
children. I now know the value of devoting time to raising children which I will discuss
later. Now that I am divorced, I see I gained very little by working all that time. I
have to work now and I do enjoy it very much. However, given the opportunity to raise my
children full-time, I would. 
BALANCING CAREER AND FAMILY
Dual Career Couples. The average young couple planning to continue working after marriage
does so for the most altruistic reasons. Their employment is a cooperative venture which
will help the marriage financially and socially. There will be no more your money and my
money. Sharing and decision-making will be mutual and equal. But as human beings, they
are subject to the frailties of people. One major threat to any marriage is competition.
Competition between couples is a natural by-product of today's concept of marriage as a
partnership of equals. While striving for mutual closeness and togetherness, young
married's are also struggling for individuality and trying to develop themselves as
persons. In the book Marriage and Families, author Essie E. Lee states that one noted
sociologist feels that two growing selves will certainly be more competitive than a
merged pair, in which one person (usually the wife) probably did most of the merging.
According to Marriage and Families, different kinds of competition within a marriage
include:
-  Competition for expression of growth and individuality.
-  Competition for attention
-  Competition for power
-  Competition for money
-  Competition for self-esteem
As multiple-income families become standard practice and men and women understand more
about the needs of each other, husbands will have decreasing need to view women's desire
for self-development and fulfillment as a blow to their masculinity.
It is important for women as well as men to be self-sufficient. But there is also the
danger of overemphasizing getting clear of people who are closest to you. It is
impossible to establish intimacy without a lot of time and experience with each other. A
career wife may tend to grow out and away and into herself instead of growing up. A
successful marriage allows each partner to grow and permits sharing and realignment of
roles as each changes his or her own conception of self. 
In my marriage, competition was very high. Since I could not stay at home with my
children, I would have liked to work on my career. Once my husband started climbing the
upward ladder and becoming very successful, I was a resentful that I could not have the
same opportunities. I was willing to work towards job success but did not have the
flexibility to do so. When the kids got sick, I left work to be with them. When my
husband was transferred, I was quitting one company and starting with another. Also, my
husband was not supportive of me finishing school nor was there the money.
As mentioned previously, I believed success in the workplace was the key to happiness and
respect. I saw my husband getting recognition, winning trips and therefore, in my book, a
better person and more self-fulfilled. 
As I see it, there were several problems. First, I had no focus. I was working because I
thought I should plus my husband wanted me to for financial reasons. I was torn between
feeling guilty for not being home with my children and not moving ahead at work. It made
me very frustrated. I needed to be more assertive and discuss with my husband how I was
feeling and possibly make ends meet without working. Secondly, I feel my husband could
have been more supportive. His focus was his job. He relied on me to take care of the
home and kids plus bring in a few bucks without complaint. I did do that for a long time.
I am a very proud person and did not like to fail or admit I may be failing. My
discontent to me was a failure. Plus, just as I was given an opportunity to move forward
at a job, we were being transferred. I feel he should have been a little less controlling
and more supportive of my goals.
I am all for the man in the family being the bread winner and chief financial support for
the family. I never felt competition to be better than my husband. I just found it
exceedingly difficult to not be able to excel at anything whether career or family. My
parents both worked. However, unlike my husband and I, they complemented each other very
well. First, they were in the same field and worked together for success in their
careers. They went back for graduate studies together and one never transferred unless
the other had a comparable job. I remember my dad tending to my brother and me as much as
my mom when we were sick. Everything seemed to be shared. That is how I thought my
marriage should be and where my frustrations stemmed.
Child Raising Issues. It is the unusual woman who successfully applies her skills and
talents at home and in the working world. In too many cases, the home and children appear
to be neglected. Physical neglect is obvious, but emotional neglect is not too clearly
defined. In the book Sex, Career, & Family by Michael Fogarty, Rhona Rapaport an Robert
Rapaport, many women who dislike children and housework but through choice or
circumstances stay home inflict deep emotional damage on their children. On the other
hand, mothers who are happy create happy homes and children, whether they work or not.
Two-career families may have children, but they do not build their whole lives around
them. They are not as involved with their families as women who stay at home. As
referenced in Sex, Career & Family, a study was done of 15,000 women three years after
their graduation. These women had planned careers for themselves. It was found that the
career-committed didn't want as many children, on the average, as the homemakers. They
were also more willing to let others care for their children. In two-career homes, the
babies do not come all at once at the beginning of the marriage, but in phases with the
wife's work commitments.
The environment of two-career homes molds the character of children in a different way
than homes where mothers do most of the rearing. Mother-child relationships are less
emotional. Parents seem to have more rights, particularly rights to privacy and a shared
adult life. Many sociologist feel that wives in two-career families are more interested
in a relationship with their husbands than in the homemaking women, who tend to seek
their major satisfaction from their children.
For several reasons, my children were not the focus of my life for a couple years. First,
I had my first child well before I was emotionally ready. I had only been free of my
parents for a couple years and married only one. I did not want the responsibility a
child brings. Second, I wanted to finish school before children. Third, there was a
growing discontent in my marriage and finally, working full-time took away from the
children. It wasn't until I divorced that my children became my primary focus.
Once I divorced, it was natural to dive into my children. I was happy for the first time
in a long time. Several incidences since my divorce have changed the way I think about
raising my children and the time I spend with them. Two women I met in Phoenix were both
stay-at-home moms/wives. Their children idolized them. Their children were calm. These
women had time for all the plays, fairs, boy scouts or the other million activities
children are involved. They were raising their children, not some daycare center. I
remember a particular weekend, while going through a divorce, my youngest said she wanted
to go to Patty's house. Patty was her daycare provider. I was glad my child was happy
with Patty but sad she found her security there and not with me. Seeing all these
circumstance with other families and within my home, I slowly began to change my thinking
and focus more towards children. I also had the opportunity to take six months off work
to be with my children. This time was wonderful. My kids loved having me there when they
got home from school. They were sick less. They were better behaved. I became involved in
school activities. I really enjoyed it. I know I could be very content staying home with
them full-time. However, that is not an option.
My job is great. It is the first step towards career advancement I have ever taken. Do I
have the drive to go further? Definitely. Career advancement is a very exciting prospect.
However, being a single parent, I have to be the one responsible for the kids at all
times. It concerns me a little, both for the employer and my children, how much time I
can give. It is a catch 22. I want to put my all into my work and receive
self-fulfillment that way, but I don't want to sacrifice any time with my children. They
are too important to me. At this point, I am taking my job one day at a time and weighing
and measuring the opportunities that come along.
CAREER CHOICES
I believe a woman has three security valves, a man, a child, a job; in my code it stands
in that order, yet in real life the order is reversed. Also, I believe that only a man
with whom I would like to make a couple should be able to calm my anguishes, my
distresses; but in real life it's my work that does that. I hate to admit all these
contradictions in myself.
Re-entry to the Workforce The way in which the contemporary married woman with a family
integrates a work career into her life is usually by accommodating to the "social facts"
of life and choosing the least stressful options open to her. Though highly qualified
women may be assumed to have a range of ability and creative potential comparable to men
and, like men, seek to develop a lifestyle in which they can function in their various
roles efficiently and productively with some degree of integration between them and
satisfactions deriving from them, the social supports for women are lacking. Once the
decision is made to have children, a massive dilemma arises.
On the other hand, women are seen as fortunate to have the choice as to whether or not
they work, as the family livelihood does not usually depend on the wife but on the
husband in his role of provider. On the other hand, her range of options is in fact
severely curtailed by virtue of the fact that she is expected to carry responsibility for
familial roles and to subordinate her own career aspirations to those of her husband.
This narrowing of options, coupled with the tendency for environmental institutions to
aggravate the difficulties faced by highly qualified women, creates a situation where the
onus is thrown very much on to them as individuals to create solutions to their dilemmas.
The easiest path is to fall into the conventional role of housewife, at least for a time.
Another alternative is to make irrational choices, do unsuitable work, be exploited in
jobs of lower status or interest than they would command if they were men. Another
alternative is for the woman to interrupt her career, dipping out and re-entering as
family situation and stage allow.
There are intrinsic and extrinsic dimensions of career aspirations, and the women -
though dropping their level of aspiration when they encounter the difficulties arising
from the integration of a career with traditional domestic roles - do not alter their
intrinsic aspirations, i.e. the specific kinds of interests and values which they seek in
work. They wish as much as men to have the kind of career in which they can do an
interesting job and work relatively autonomously in relation to supervision. They value
the idea of cultivating a reputation for extreme competence in whatever line of work they
pursue, and feel that the experience of creativity in work is important.
The intention ultimately to return to work is now far more widespread than in the past
among married women. According to the book Marriage and Families, nearly 80 % expect to
be working when their children are grown. The early returners are ones whose commitment
to work is a matter of principle. The later returners may not be committed so much to the
general idea of women's careers, but they may recognize that they will want to do
something to keep themselves interested and to feel useful.
Many women want to work. Many women have to work. Many women choose to stay home.
However, no matter what a women chooses to do, she is different than any other woman. I
say this because I read and see similarities in myself as that with other women. Yet, my
maturity, priorities, and lifestyle make these similarities different from other women.
According to studies, women get their greatest satisfaction from work. I too feel great
satisfaction when I accomplish projects at work and receive positive feedback. I also
feel great satisfaction when I have spent quality time with my children; when they seem
happy and fulfilled. In my marriage, I felt great satisfaction having loving arms to come
home to and someone to care and provide for me. This is where fulfillment for women
differs. It is a matter of needs and priorities.
When I was first married, I worked to support my husband through school, and, since I did
not have children yet, for something to do. The seed in the back of my mind was finishing
school and career advancement. At that point, I did not know what career I wanted. When
my first child came along I took time off but was back at work within a year for
financial reasons. I settled for less than what I wanted because I was not ready for the
additional responsibility of a higher paying job and I did not have the confidence to
pursue further. When the next child came along, I was back to work for financial reasons.
At that point, work was very dissatisfying because my paycheck went to pay daycare and
little else. It did not make sense. Now, I work out of necessity because I am single. 
What I have learned throughout the years is that my needs have changed. Whether it is
because of circumstance or maturity or a little of both I am not sure. I am glad I worked
throughout my marriage because it has made it easier for me to support my children as a
single parent. However, if I had to do it all over again, I would be home with my
children to make sure their needs were met. They are the single most important thing to
me. When I was married, they were not. My husband was most important, then my children,
then work. 
As the years passed and I gained maturity, confidence and experienced great emotional
stress, I now feel I can focus on my future. I am satisfied taking small steps towards
career advancement. I do not have the goal of achieving loads of money, a stressful job
and a good title as fast as possible. I want to be available to my children while still
providing them a decent lifestyle. My fulfillment will come when they graduate from high
school or college happy and secure. I have twenty years after that to dive head over
heals into a career. The women next door may set different priorities or think I am nuts
not to excel at work faster when it is offered. Though I admire here for her fortitude, I
know what is important to me and having that focus will make me happy and that is all
that really matters. Gone are the days of making decisions based on what other people
think is right for me. It has taken me fourteen adult years to figure that out, and it
very well may change in the future, but for now I know where I am going! 
Legislation Affecting Women at Work. Legislation addressing working women is growing each
year. Many bills are introduced each session dealing with child care availability, leaves
of absence for dependent care, affirmative action and equal opportunity issues, equal pay
for equivalent work, minimum wage, health insurance, and job training. Although some of
these bills are never voted into law, it is clear that the issues are ever pressing on
the minds of women and lawmakers alike. As with any legislation, time and pressure from
special interest groups will turn the tide.
FUTURE OF THE FAMILY
Because of the high percentage of divorce rates, single parenting is the wave of the
future. Poverty is the most important difference between the families headed by women and
men. Although women from all segments of life work, the female family heads finds the
climb to a higher income level extremely difficult. The number of poor families headed by
women continues to rise, while that of men is steadily falling. For several million of
these women, the barriers blocking their way continue to be inadequate training and
education for the current job market and, in some cases, heavy child-care
responsibilities.
The traditional household with the husband at work and the wife as housekeeper, wife,
mother, and family representative in the community will never disappear. But the woman
who assumes more of the male traditional role will do so by choice. Women who have
achieved self-respect and confidence in their abilities have come too long a way toward
equality to stop where they are. The problem and challenges of the technological era are
too great for the concerned, well-educated, ambitious woman to be content to sit on the
sidelines with her knitting while men make all the decisions that count.
Young people see the heavy male-dominant role disappearing in most marriages. In its
place is a sharing of work, play, child-care and child-rearing. Women will continue to
work before and after child-rearing. Many women will combine the two. Husbands and
fathers will play a greater role in housekeeping and child-care. A father may take a
leave of absence to take care of the children. If the wife is offered a better paying job
in a distant city, the husband will investigate his own job possibilities in that same
city.
Some sociologist say an educated woman has three main outlets for her energies, ambition,
and involvement. She can express herself through her own career, involvement in her
husband's career, or through her children. Most pour much of their energies into their
own careers, although many rear children and help their husbands. In contrast, most women
who stay home devote their time and energies in promoting their husband's career and are
deeply involved in child care and child-rearing. As more and more women seek higher
education and/or employment, communities will need increasing numbers of well-trained
child-care substitutes.
CONCLUSION
Life is very uncertain anymore. Couples marry and divorce so often. It is difficult to be
secure. I sometimes wonder if the trend for women obtaining better careers is because of
the high divorce rate or if divorce happens because women are more into their careers.
Whatever the case may be, I recommend setting goals and sticking to them but be flexible
for your changing needs and circumstances. Women need to be involved in household
finances and, if working, need to establish their own 401k accounts to protect them for
the future. If work is most important to a woman, she should put off having children
until she is absolutely ready to postpone career aspirations. Most importantly, a woman
needs to follow her heart because neither her, her husband or children will be happy
unless she is happy.
As for raising children, I hope my little ladies grow up with the knowledge that no
matter what they choose in life-a stay-at-home mom, marriage and career, or marriage,
career and family- what is important is how they feel about the situation and what fits
in to their values, goals and lifestyle. I want my daughters to choose what is right for
them and not make a choice based on what other people think. I don't want them to
flounder like I did. I want them to know that whatever they choose is great as long as it
makes them happy and it is what they want. I think the best advice I can give them
(though children usually don't listen to parents about long term advice, they usually
have to learn for themselves) is to begin formulating goals as early as possible. For
instance, if my oldest daughter wants a full-time, successful career, she should focus on
achieving that and not let an early marriage or children slow her down. She can easily
begin a family later. Or if my youngest daughter would like to have a large family, or be
mostly involved in her children and husband, then she should insist on that and
communicate with her future spouse so they can both work together to achieve that goal. I
wished I would have been that mature. 
Lastly, hopefully my girls will understand that no matter what they choose, it won't be
easy but worth the effort and sacrifice in the long run. I especially hope I raise them
to not allow sexual biases get in the way and to achieve what they want regardless if it
is deemed a man's job or woman's job. In fact, my children see me do both. I mow the
lawn, wash the cars, take out the garbage and do dishes, laundry and clean bathrooms. I
also work, go to school but love to have fun water-skiing, snow-skiing and coaching and
playing softball. My new husband does the same except he is indeed the bread-winner of
the family. That to me is a fairly well-rounded parental example. I hope my children
surpass me, at parallel age levels, in all ways.
University of Phoenix
WORKING WOMEN AND FAMILY LIFESTYLES - (UD)
Theories and principles related to the past and present status and role of women in work,
behavioral, and socialization patterns affecting career choices and leadership abilities.
Dual career couples, child-raising issues, and the future of the family. Special problems
of re-entry women and current legislation affecting women at work.
GENERAL EDUCATION: SOCIAL SCIENCE